i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
