I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My bed smells like the plague
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
