I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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