That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
