You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
