get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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