If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
