You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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