Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
