Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
