when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
