i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
