I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
