Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
