Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
