I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
