I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
