I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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