Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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