Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
