i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
