My first STD was from a foam party
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
