If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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