He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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