Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
