Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I need water and some morals
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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