they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
