Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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