cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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