try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
