he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
