Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just pee around me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
