Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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