Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
