My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
