Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
