Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
