Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
