I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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