he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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