it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
