I'm going to jail i love you
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
