The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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