Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
