I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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