the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
