Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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