my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
