you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
