Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
