Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
