Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
