Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
