I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
