Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The beer is more important than you right now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
