im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
