i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
