I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
