hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize