All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
