well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
