People in love make me want to vomit
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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