If that was your dad, he is hot
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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