oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
