so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize