You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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