I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
