I didn't shave. On purpose
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
