Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
