I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize