Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
