In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
