I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You need a sexual gate keeper
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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