i jhust puked up my retainher.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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