he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
as a side note pls kill me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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