we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
